I have never gone through anything quite as bad as this.
Sure, I have been through some tough stuff and had some struggles, but nothing prepared me for the pain and struggle of my mom getting sick and dying way earlier in life than she was ever supposed to.
The grief of being a young girl without a mom was unbearable. I didn’t know how to cope, move on or “survive”. Some days I literally did not know what to do.
I didn’t know how I was going to get through it, and it didn’t feel like it would ever get easier. The grief was unbearable.
As time went on, I realized exactly that: this grief was unbearable, and it was quite possibly the hardest thing I will ever go through. It has made a lot of life’s “little” problems seem a lot less important. It has made the petty stuff I used to complain about seem so small and irrelevant.
It taught me to view life and relationships very differently. I no longer have time for the small petty drama. I no longer have any interest in fighting for people to stay in my life who didn’t want to be there.
On the other hand, I cherish my loved ones even more. I became terrified to lose the people close to me. I started spending more time on the people who gave me the same love and support I gave them.
But most importantly, it taught me resilience. Resilience to prove I can make it through anything that life throws my way.
If I was able to survive the death of the most important person in my life and start to figure out how to navigate this world without her, I would most certainly be OK with the tough stuff to come.
Everyone has a different story. Everyone shares a different relationship with their moms. I understand that although my life, story, and relationship may be different from someone else’s, for me, this was the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with and I believe that it may be the most difficult thing I will ever have to go through.
Nothing will ever take the place of my mom.
Nothing will ever be fair about the fact that I had to lose my mom way sooner in life than anyone should have to. There probably won’t ever be a day I go without thinking about her.
However, I do believe that in time and healing, we can learn to conquer this terrible loss and learn how to “survive.”