I don’t think anyone could have prepared me for the emptiness that I would feel immediately after losing my mom. I don’t think anyone could have helped me be ready for the unfortunate reality that this emptiness never completely goes away, and that this loss creates a void that is impossible to fill.
The worst part about the void that was left the day my mom died, is that I am reminded of it constantly.
I am reminded of it every time I had a bad day and need someone to call who will know how to make things better.
I am reminded of it every time I cross over a new milestone and don’t have my mom to share it with me.
I am reminded of it every time I need advice from an older woman in my life and do not have my mom to turn to.
I am reminded of it every time my friends tell me about their plans with their mom’s and I realize that I will never get to have that again.
I am reminded it on Mother’s Day, and all the days leading up to it.
The void that was left the day my mom died has been one of the most difficult parts of my grief journey. It is the part that never goes away. It is the part that reminds me, every day, that my mom is no longer with me and I will never get to have that relationship with her again.
It is a void that no other person could fill. It is a void in my heart and in my life that was filled by my mom and will never be replaced by someone else. Nor would I want it to be.